Ok. you know I have a horse. But since the divorce, I’m no longer one of those rich Hamptonites who arrive at the stable gloves and crop in hand to be given a perfectly groomed horse to ride for an hour at a rate of $165 an hour.
Now I own one of Wollffer’s horses (the owner, Christian Wollffer, sadly died last year bathing of the coast of Rio De Jeneiro when he was hit by a boat). After the tragedy, the business manager of the estate, which is also known for some of the best wine on the south fork of Long Island, decided to sell all of Christian’s school horses. I took one of them off his hands and relocated him closer to New York city.
The cool thing is, all the stuff the Mexican hands used to do, I do now. There are exceptions. I do hire a ferrier to take care ofZip’s, hoofs, and a dentist came in today to file his teeth (a horse who isn’t grazing all day on grass will get pointy things on his growing teeth…so they get filed every year…something I would have no expertise in). I also have a vet to give him injections four times a year, because he has arthritis in his hocks from power-jumping when he was a young, over-used champion.
So, what do I do? Every time I go to the farm I have to first go to the pasture to retrieve him with a lead line that I attach to his halter. He’s always at the bottom of the hill and often resists,so I give him a few sugar cubes to get him going! When I get him to the stall, I have to get him ready to be tacked up — that means putting the saddle and bridle on. It’s a great thing, that I never did while at wollffer estates, because Zip knows my touch and seems to enjoy the scrubbing and brushing so their is no dirt under the pads, saddle and bridle. I also have to “pick” his hoofs, which can be hard in the winter. I use a hammer to chop out the ice then, and in muddy season it can be quite difficult to get the clay-like dirt and rocks out. He’s very patient with me though.
But if you’ve gotten this far, you’re getting to the interesting part: When the weather is warm I bath him after a hard workout like today. I jumped and cantered him a lot, so there was foam all over his body! That’s horse sweat. And it had probably been last Fall that I had given him the full “works.” In addition to a good scrub with horse shampoo and a brush, twice a year, I clean his “sheath.” You guessed it. But you cannot imagine. I put warm water up the sheath, then with my arm — and I swear, I can reach almost up to my elbow, I clean out schmegma — that stuff you guys that haven’t been circumcised have to worry about. But on a horse, it forms these big brown clumps of stuff that have to be pulled and swept out. Sometimes there’s a “bead” on the tip of the penis that has to be removed. It’s so weird that he just stands there while I do this. When I’m done, I take the hose and just spray warm water right up so he’s relatively clean and schmegma free (you don’t want to take everything out because there is apparently some “good” bacteria up there!
The stuff I pull out has the most distinctive smell, but I strangely like it. Even after I wash my hands, I can still smell it. Anyway, that’s it for the bath.
Tomorrow, when he’s super dry (I couldn’t wait that long today), I will clip him myself. I bought a set of really good high powered horse clippers (like you would use to shave your head….but it has enough power to go for hours). The whole process takes me about four hours — from legs to nose. I still haven’t mastered the ears, and I botched the face a little the first time out, but I really enjoy the relaxing buzzz of the clippers and the way Zip kind of just patiently stands there while I make him show-ready. I could pay someone $300 a clip, as most people do. But I hate the idea of being a “girly girl,” which is one of the reasons I do all this stuff for my horse, instead of paying someone to do it.
the end, lol.
nyfemme 
You are quite the person to do all of that to take care of your horse. It has to be done, and it seems that you do it well and with pride. One a much smaller scale, I had to wash the owner’s dogs when I was working my way through college. The males would not let me get near their penises. That made them nervous.Hope you have a very nice weekend,frank
Elbow-length up a horse’s penis? Sounds like my idea of fun!
@SerenaDante – hahaha! i added a picture that shows what it looks like! very funny!
@nyfemme – LOL!
Now that’s taking care of a horse!
You know, we had 3 horses when I was growing (2 of which were male) and 2 pony’s (one of which was male) and I have NEVER heard of this! Now I’m sitting here wondering if our horses had filthy penises all those years! Then again, if it was only a twice a year thing….then perhaps I just missed it? Besides, my horse was the girl…so I guess it wasn’t really something I was required to know, or do.Maybe the man that came to clip their hooves did that cleaning as well? Hmm.
@wretched_epiphany – that is sooo cool that you had 5 horses!! where did you grow up? My guess is if you didn’t know the sheaths of your male horses were being cleaned, someone else was doing it (normally it would be the vet during vaccination time). If you don’t clean them regularly these big “beans” of schmegma develop and can become a real problem requiring vetinary care including antibiotics from infection. The first sign of a problem is tail rubbing, I understand. (don’t ask me why…I just bought my first horse two years ago and everything I know is from reading books, magazines, and word of mouth at the barn). But my barn is really organized (there are 114 horses being boarded there) so the owner arranges for people to come in and do all the regular stuff, like vacccines once a year & teeth floating once a year . My ferrier (one of five who works at my barn) keeps a good calendar so he shods Zip every 6 weeks like clockwork and I work with the vet on problems that crop up…like Zip has arthritis of his hocks, so the vet gives him silicone injections 4X a year. I do the stuff I can do….like grooming and tacking up (although I could pay someone to do it). And for some reason I wanted to learn how to clean the sheath rather than pay someone $30 , and I wanted to learn how to clip rather than pay someone $150 to do it! I still can’t pull Zip’s mane! I make a complete mess of it (pulling is to make him look “good,” — not too bushy and only about 3 inches long) but I don’t have the heart to “pull” and can’t seem to make it even when I try! Did you ride? or were the horses there as “pets?”