Monthly Archives: March 2013

Sex, Life, Herpes: Not fair


Not me. My daughter. She’s fourteen.

Sunday night her dad dropped her off at my place while I was asleep. They had just come back  from a weekend in New Hampshire.

When I saw her the next day — specifically when I saw the large oozy sore on her lip — I said, “We’re going to the doctor.”

She insisted the ugly sore was just a bad recovery from her boyfriend “biting” her lip, somethiing he does all the time..  

But I knew. I knew what it was immediately, and made an emergency “sick” appointment at her doctors. We rushed out the door.

She could barely walk. My long legged daughter. The one I can hardly ever keep up with when walking the streets of Manhattan. 

The Doc took cultures from her lip and her vaginal area, which had similar sores which I did not see. It was all between doctor and client, but she wanted me to share the news. We won’t know if it’s Herpes I (oral) or Hepres II (the dreaded) for a few days.

My daughter, when I asked, said she had not had intercourse, but that they had had oral sex.  

In the doctor’s office, she cried.  I wanted to, but was scolded for reaching out to hug my daughter.  

I also wanted to tear the legs and arms off of her boyfreind.  Instead, when he came to our apartment last night along with another friend of my daughter, I took him into the hall for a talk.

I told him the news. That I wanted to (figuratively) kill him (I was amazingly calm).  That he may need to be tested. That we will know results by Thursday. That she will never be the same.  That he can never bite her lip again, or it’s apt to cause another outbreak. That he cannot speak of this to anyone. That I don’t want my daughter to be a pariah.

My daughter took the Valtrex that was prescribed and which will probably speed the heeling. I couldn’t afford the cream ($864 for one tube) and bought some OTC analgesic cream for her vag.  

Hopefully the outbreak will go away soon. Hopefully it will be Herpes I, and she won’t have many relapses in her life.  Hopefully this was just a bad dream.  

I can’t believe I did that!

Up front moral:   My bipolar meds can change my mood (in this case from hypo-manic to normal), but they cannot change personality or the effects of alcohol.

Story: I’m feeling completely stable and go out on a date the other night.  Nice, older gentleman. He takes me to the FABULOUS Union Square Cafe for drinks, conversation, and a FANTASTIC dinner.  I confess. Despite the food — damn, I ate every morsel of truffled sweatbreads and risotto with frizzled kale — the three glasses of Merlot when straight to my head. 

On the way out, he had to go to the men’s room, and I asked if it was ok to have a cigarette outside the restaurant while I waited for him.  

While outside, a younger couple emerged from the same restaurant. She had awesome spiked shoes with heels that must have bee 6 inches high. The kind I could never wear, because I’d break my neck.

I complemented herr on her shoes and she approached so we could talk. We both confessed we had too much to drink, but were friendly and chit chatty about the restaurant and what a great place it is.

But THEN, she says, “look what I’m wearing! and opens up her coat to display a HOT HOT body, wearing a HOTTER THAN HOT jumpsuit made completely of mesh, save for two triangles that went from her neck (halter style) down to her crotch (see photo….that is what she had on),

I felt like she was inviting SOMETHING.  Without hesitation, I ran my hand lightly across her breasts, looked up and said, “I want a Threesome!” 

Ending:  She said, “Oh no, we don’t do that, and the couple walked away, either thinking they had the funnies story to tell or had just encountered a serial groper (I am not)!!!

I’ve never done anything like that!!!!! OMG!!!  I don’t know if I’m embarrassed or sad that I got turned down, lol!

Oh yeah. That night I dreamt about that outfit. It was me in a store, and the jumpsuit was on a rack. And, yes, I was going to buy it for myself!



Still fiddling with the meds

Sorry for the absence. I’ve been sort of “crazed.”

I am up to the fourth upward adjustment in one of my meds.  After the second, I was no longer officially “hypo-manic” (although I would call it on the verge of officially “manic”).

Without negative triggers I  am still super UP and INAPPROPRIATE!  It’s been  kind of funny in hindsight.

One day. I can’t remember which, because they are all running together, I went out with Dan, the skinny nice guy, who I dated for a while, but who is now my best friend.  He thought it was “humorous.”  I apparently was speaking with great animation about how his penis was so very large! In a restaurant! He was humored by the fact that he was with someone who actually talked louder than him.  Yeah, that’s what friends are for 🙂

With negative triggers,  I was just ANGRY. And IRRITABLE.  And living ANNOYED. That has not been kinda funny, with or without hindsight. 

There seems to be always something that made me ANGRY or IRRITABLE or ANNOYED.   “Normal me” would just shrug or not really notice the stupid behavior of the third person. Or respond with politeness, the best form of revenge.  But that counter clerk who can’t speak English, or that cyclist who won’t shut up….

So…Yeah. Last night I took four serequel, following Dr.’s orders on how many days before another increase was in order.

We’ll see how this goes.

BIP-ing Update

As promised, I went to the shrink,yesterday and told her what was going on with me.

Although I was fairly  calm in session, she could recognize my symptoms as described and didn’t play games (Hypo-manic, almost Manic).

A cool thing she told me is that this is “the season” for Manic episodes! Just like the advent of winter can bring depression for many, the promise of spring often brings Mania for us poor bipolar sufferers! I thought that was interesting.

She was sensitive enough to dance around the E factor (Eric).  We decided to  let it play out and try to communicate with him about what makes me “unsettled.” This will be hard for me. But I have to do it for my sanity.  Essentially, I need to have the talk about “me” — what I need, rather than criticizing him. Specifically I need to talk about the need for me to plan  plan ahead with certainty.  I really can’t take the “maybe” that will work”  or “I might have this or that scheduled.”  I’m still working on it, and she said I should be stable before I even attempt that discussion.

Back to the treatment:

Basically, with a hypomaniic episode, you want to increase your “mood stabilizers” so you’re not freaking out on innocent people, and you also want to get back to being able to get some sleep, the lack of which makes everything worse.  

So we had the choice of increaasing Lithium  or serequel plus adding one of the diazapams.   I already take lithium  at the lowest therapeutic  level,  because it isn’t great for kidney function over time, and my kidneys are doing well after some not sow well periods a few years ago when I had to get off the lithium. As a result, she was reluctant to increase the Lithium. That left upping the Serequel, which we both agreed I am very sensitive to. If there is any med I have changed around a lot over the last seven or so years it’s this one. It’s usually like, I go from depresse to “BANG!!” normal! or I’m hypo manic, and  “CABLAM!!”  Normal.  So we increased serquel and added xtra clonapan for good sleep and xtra calm.

I do feel different this morning.  Woke early, but not at 4:00 and after 8 1/2 hours sleep. I’m a little groggy, but that’s a small price to pay. We’ll see if this slightly cloudy calm carries through the day as the cloud lifts.  I think it will.   I have the same bagillion homework assignments due as I did last night before I creashed, and none of the anxiousness. 

If you’ve read this far….thanks!  If not, I get it 🙂